30 Day Trust Challenge

TrustWhat would be available to me if I trusted myself 10% more?

This is the question that came to me this morning. So many times in my life I’ve held myself back for fear of failure or fear of well, looking like an idiot. And quite frankly, I’m over it.

Then I had an idea. Why don’t I try living this way? And if this resonates with you, I urge you to try it too.

I did a little digging online and came across this amazing journaling challenge dubbed the #trust30. Originally taking place 2 years ago, 30 inspiring thought leaders and artists got together and came up with one journal question per day to send to your email box. These questions are designed to make you think, get you out of your comfort zone, and increase the self-trust.

And because I tried it and was amazing what came up, I want to share the prompts with you. So, in no particular order, here they are 🙂

Your genuine action will explain itself, and will explain your other genuine actions. Your conformity explains nothing. The force of character is cumulative. – Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

If ‘the voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tracks,’ then it is more genuine to be present today than to recount yesterdays. How would you describe today using only one sentence? Tell today’s sentence to one other person.(Author: Liz Danzico)

It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. – Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

The world is powered by passionate people, powerful ideas, and fearless action. What’s one strong belief you possess that isn’t shared by your closest friends or family? What inspires this belief, and what have you done to actively live it?

Trusting in you, your strength, and your abilities.

xo Kim

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Embracing Commitment

I want to share with you why I blog.

It’s a way to express my struggles and try to make sense of it all. I believe that as spiritual beings having a human experience, we’re all in the same boat to some extent. We all dream. We all have an imagination (whether we use it or not is a different story). We all struggle to learn the lessons and make sense of it all, forever in the onward and upward expansion of our lives. And hopefully, by sharing my journey, you understand that you are not alone in yours.

I also want to acknowledge it’s been some time since I’ve blogged. And to be honest, this post, I originally wrote almost a month ago. I’ve kept visiting, updating and editing. So much has happened in the past month and for some reason this post didn’t seem quite ready. Now, I understand it was me that wasn’t quite ready.

Up until last weekend this post was all about trust. Trust in myself and in the universe. It was going to be about my struggles to fund my dream (education in particular, and the huge expenses that seemingly come out of nowhere just to “test”). I was going to share some practices that helped increase the trust and tune into the right success frequency. Don’t get me wrong, this is still very important and I will still share in another post, but it I’ve come to realize it actually wasn’t what I was struggling with. The trust was part of a much, much bigger thing.

It was commitment.

I took a course last weekend that was all about exploring the different perspectives we hold and what can come available to us if we consciously choose a different perspective than the one that’s limiting us.

There were pieces of tape on the floor dividing the room into small segments and there was a sentence (perspective) in each of these segments. They said things like “limiting like a straightjacket”, “creates powerful intention” “a way to live my purpose” and “overwhelming”. The word commitment was put in the centre and we were asked to stand in the perspective that felt the truest to us.

Prior to this, I hadn’t consciously thought about my feelings around commitment and how they could be limiting me. I chose to stand in “other”. Commitment to me was elusive.

Elusive: (thank you Dictionary.com)

  1. Difficult to catch
  2. Preferring or living in solitude or anonymity
  3. Difficult to remember

I offer the definition because the word actually came to me before I had a good handle on what it meant. To me elusive was something you intend to incorporate into your life but it’s sneaky and always finds a way to evade capture. I liked the idea of commitment, but was it really for me? Because if it was, why did I have such a hard time following through?

By holding the perspective that commitment was elusive it made it someone/something else’s fault when I couldn’t follow through. By choosing to live this way I didn’t have to let anyone down (in theory), especially myself. What if I try to go for my dream and fail? What if I fall flat on my face? Well, what would happen if I didn’t go for it at all?

We were then asked to stand in the perspective that’s the least true for us. I chose “exciting and juicy”. Commitment to me was anything but exciting and juicy. It was filled with have tos and obligations. Missing out on y because I already committed to x. There was no spontaneity, no aliveness. I was then asked “what would be available to you if you took on this perspective?” For lack of a better word, I had an “awakening” (aka breakdown).

All I could feel was a tightness in my chest, in fact, I continue to feel it as I write this post. Over the past week that feeling and I are starting to come to terms with each other, it’s vulnerability.

All I could think of when they asked what’s available in the exciting and juicy perspective was intimacy (Dad if you’re reading this you may want to skip to the next paragraph FYI). Laying in bed with a partner, nothing to protect you, nothing to hide behind; only your soul and theirs. I get a knot in my stomach just thinking about it! That to me, is vulnerability.

Then I thought, what’s available to me when I’m vulnerable? What kind of relationship is available when I’m willing to be this way? What kind of life is available when I’m willing to be this way?

It’s scary shit. But it’s also beautiful. And powerful.

As you can sense, commitment now to me means something very different. Commitment to me is vulnerability. Its saying “I commit wholeheartedly to living the life I want to live, my dream”, which makes me intensely vulnerable. And finally, I’m okay with it.

Vulnerability to me means letting someone/something see all of the parts of you, not just the ones you allow them to see. It’s giving up control. It’s an exposure of the heart. It opens you up for hurt, pain, betrayal, and the sting of not getting what you want. But it also opens you up to a deeper love, joy, and sense of gratitude; and I choose the ladder. 2013-03-22-vulnerability

And so it begins…

It all started with a feeling of being ‘stuck’ in October 2011. My job as a restaurant manager was paying the bills but was giving me little fulfillment. I was working nights and barely saw my friends. I was three years into a relationship with a man I loved, but knew in my soul he wasn’t the one. One day I noticed my usual positive personality hit the gutter, along with my sense of humor and ability to have fun. Something had to change, but what? And how?

As anyone who has found themselves in this position can probably identify with, the question, “What do I want?” is the hardest part. We live in an age and society with so many options. For some of us, we were lucky to figure out our talents at a young age. But for most of us, myself included, we wind up in our mid twenties  having little insight into this question and even less about who we are and what our strengths are.

Thankfully, we also live in an age with many resources. I decided to do a little research and hire myself a coach to help me with this question.

I learned through my journey that the answer isn’t external, or out in the universe somewhere. Yes, there is definitely a trial and error method, try door number one, doesn’t work, on to door number two and so on. And speaking from personal experience, this method does work… eventually. But what if I told you there was a better way?

The answer to this question is always inside ourselves, which is actually kind of funny, because it’s usually the last place we look. It involves getting to know yourself at a very deep level, exposing the blind spots and challenging limiting beliefs (yup, we all have them!). It’s like peeling back the layers on an onion. Finally you expose the core (heart) and from this place we can define our purpose and create a mission statement.

My purpose and my dream is to help others live the life they were meant to live. It was only a year and a half ago I was stuck. Now I am living my life on purpose and starting my coaching and consulting business. This blog is designed to inspire and encourage those on their own journey. If I can go from being stuck to my own business in less than two years, there’s no limits to what you are capable of.