Living Fully

Since starting my own business and taking the long, bumpy, sometimes tumultuous roads toward my dreams, I made a commitment to myself. I will live this life will FULL engagement. There are times, like today, that this is really hard. However, my true hope is that the words below will offer some guidance and support for you, when you’re having a day where it’s next to impossible to see the forest through the trees.

When saying living a life with FULL engagement, well what the heck does that really mean?

It means making decisions you know in your soul to be right, although what we know is right is seldom easy.

It means not ignoring subtle signs and clues and that powerful intuition of ours, and having the courage to listen.

It means needing to believe in something far greater than ourselves, and trusting the process… as hard, hurtful and fuzzy it may be.

It means that we would rather be alone than to settle—ever.

It means not shielding ourselves from the pain of loss. Just because we know something in our soul isn’t right, doesn’t mean that it’s not going to hurt… badly. But we know shielding ourselves and building walls around our hearts only prolongs the grieving process.

It means giving ourselves time to grieve, breath and witness the emotions that are coming from within us. To feel is to be human.

It also means that we don’t hook into these emotions are accept them as a drama in our life. It’s about feeling the emotions fully so they can pass, not so they can take over our life.

It means to take pleasure in the fact that a full range of emotions and to be with each is to be fully alive.

It means that we know we need to be vulnerable to achieve all our heart’s desire. To love fully and openly is vulnerable. We know we must allow ourselves to surrender to the highs and the lows, to just be in the moment.

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On Listening to the Universe

universe quote

There are times in my life when the universe speaks to me and I do not listen. Maybe I second guess myself, maybe I’m not ready to hear what she has to say, and maybe (likely) I’m not even aware she is saying something at all.

Then, there are times where I get overwhelmed by a feeling and she seams to be shouting so loud I have no choice but to sit and listen. This was how it went down these last couple of weeks.

A certain leadership program has been on my radar for the last four years; but at several thousand dollars it just wasn’t in the cards. A few of my colleagues have attended the program and I’ve been so inspired by how they have not really changed, but have become even more amazing versions of themselves. Owning their impact in the world and taking on some unbelievable projects in a way that would not have been possible a year previous.

As my inspiration from these people increased as I saw this new way they were participating in the world, my yearning to take the program grew exponentially (and yes, maybe a touch of jealousy). Then I asked the one question out loud I had been afraid of asking, “how the heck am I going to pay for it?”. Which I now am learning is much different than my usual answer of “I can’t afford it”. One is a question (open energy), the other is a statement with no wiggle room (closed energy).

A funny thing happens when I open finally open up and show the hand I had been holding so tightly (I can think of a million excuses as to why and they all boil down to one thing… fear), a possibility presented itself… they offer scholarship opportunities!

So excited about the potential opportunity I sat down to do my research. So many questions were running through my head. Would I be qualified? What were the requirements? How would I communicate my vision? Who else was applying? How many scholarships were being awarded? Was I good enough?

As I landed on the web page, one BIG thing jumped out at me right away. The deadline. It was 3 days away. And they only open up applications once per year. More questions flooded my brain. OMG should I apply? Could I really get my shit together in 3 days? Could I wait until next year? And if I did.. would it be any good?

If there is one lesson I’ve learned I’ve learned in the last 2 years on the journey toward my dream, is that when the universe speaks, listen. And this seemed pretty loud to me. I concluded that I would apply and give it my best shot. No, it would not be perfect. Would it be any good? Maybe. Maybe not. But there is no learning if I do not take a step. So I did.

You can view my YouTube video application here:

And if you feel inspired to cast your vote, (I am so grateful!) you can do that here:
Voting is open from July 8th-July 23rd 2014 http://woobox.com/iajo63

It’s definitely far from perfect. However, what I did learn in the process is that I can accomplish way more than I think I can. While it may be easier just to say no and “there’s always next year” saying yes and committing is so much more fun and I learn so much more. And as cheesy as it sounds, regardless of the outcome, I’m proud of myself for listening and taking a chance. Now not to let my competitive side take over and check on the vote count every 15 minutes 🙂

In light and love,

Kimberley

Overcoming the Inner Critic

Critics

We all have it. That little voice in the back of our heads, barely audible, that chimes in the exact moment we get excited about doing something new, something that’s probably outside of our comfort zone. It says, oh you can’t do that. You’re not skilled enough. You don’t have the education. You want to what?! Follow your dream? Expand yourself in some way? I don’t think so!

And that voice, coaches call it the Saboteur. Pretty fitting in my opinion.

When I was first setting up the company my saboteur sounded something like “you can’t make a living from this”, “you’ll wind up broke in less than a year”, “you will never make it”. Even as recently as yesterday, I was having a conversation with my coach telling her all the reasons why I wasn’t going to take that next big step, even though it’s exactly what I want. She called me on it. I definitely didn’t particularly appreciate at the time; but it’s what I pay her for.

Why is this? Why does it have such a big impact? And, how can we make it work for us instead? Here some tips that have helped me multiple times on this journey.

  •  Acknowledge it’s presence. It does exist and everyone has one. However, you are not your saboteur. 
  • Understand its purpose. Your saboteur exists for a reason; it’s to keep you safe. It’s the one that says “don’t touch that” when you see something hot or the voice that comes up when you start dating someone that you “know” isn’t good for you. Deep down it really does care for you and it’s designed to keep you alive. However, simply “surviving” is much different than truly living.
  • Personify it. Seriously. Give it a name. My Saboteurs name is Dolores. She nags, has Einstien-esque hair and crooked fingers. By personifying, you’re taking it one step further separating it from you. This may feel a bit like split-personalities (and I’m a Gemini, it comes with the territory). But I assure you, personifying your saboteur will not result in you being medicated… At least it hasn’t for me yet.
  • Shed some light on the situation. Saboteurs like to live in the dark of our subconscious. It lives in the background like the soundtrack of a movie. It’s there, but you’re not 100% aware of it. What if you gave it a voice? What if you said out loud all the things it was saying? The most amazing thing happens when all of a sudden you turn up the volume and put a voice to those thoughts… They start to melt away.
  • Have the courage to overcome. When I started writing down all the things Dolores said a couple things happened. First, I looked at my list and was overcome by emotion. If you’ve read any of my prior blog posts you understand this is pretty normal. But I had to fully embrace all those words and everything I was most afraid of. Not an easy thing to do. But as I sat with it a bit longer something else amazing happened. The super confident, courageous part of me started to rise up and totally discredit all those things on the paper in front of me. It said, “I can do this”, “I deserve this” and “I have everything inside of me I need to be successful”. I am enough.

So who are you? What are all the amazing qualities/skills/abilities/personality traits you do have?

Compiling this list is tough. Why? We spend far too much time listening to our saboteur and all the things we aren’t, we lose touch with all the amazing things we are.

The core of your being, your best self, knows better. It says- I am capable, I have the experience, I have everything inside of me I need in order to be successful. I am good enough, I am lovable, I am worthy.

When I ask people what is holding them back from that next step, 99% of the time the answer is “I’m scared”. Guess what, fear is actually a good thing. It’s a signal that says you’re heading into foreign territory. Fear is the boarder of the reality in which you’ve known. Of course you’re scared! If it wasn’t scary, it wouldn’t be worth it.

“Failure” (if you want to call it that) is the absolute best form of feedback. It took many hard lessons and ugly cries to realize this, but I’m serious. If you try something and it doesn’t work (after the initial sting is gone, Hagen Daas has never let me down) you say, ok, so that didn’t go as well as I had hoped. What about it didn’t work? The whole thing wasn’t a failure; there is always something within it (a choice, a behavior, an attitude) that didn’t work. You ask the right questions, you figure out what it is, and you try again.

And when the saboteur steps in and starts to shake your confidence, tell (insert name here) that while you appreciate them looking out for you, you deserve this, and you are enough.

Going with the Flow


Surrender (wind)There are times in my life when I feel like everything is falling into place. I make choices that are in alignment with who I want to be, meet amazing people and feel so much connection and power within things happening in my life.

Then there are times that no matter how great my intentions are and how hard I try to make things happen, they just don’t. And since I’m so passionate and hold the belief that I create the things that happen in my life, I end up forcing it. The result is feelings of disconnect, overwhelm, and way too many expectations. This, for me, was last week.

Outside the small town where I grew up there was this amazing river that we spent literally hundreds of hours on in the summer. It was long, shallow and mellow enough that we would grab our inner tubes and floating chairs (and maybe a few beverages) and float for hours.

For the most part the river was pretty calm and the trip down was smooth.  However, depending on how high the water level was there were always a few rough patches. If you surrendered to the situation and let the water take you, you would come out the other side just fine and have some fun with it. However if you resisted, your floatie would capsize sending you into the (glacier fed) river and perhaps even worse, spill your beer.

We had one friend, Jenalee, that seemed to no matter how hard she resisted would always find herself stuck. I really don’t know how she did it. It was like she was a magnet to the edge of the river and fallen trees. If there was an eddy, she would find it. Drink in one hand and desperately trying to get unstuck with the other. Poor girl, but honestly it was hilarious to watch and almost 10 years later it’s still a running joke in our circle of friends.

Then there was Callie. Callie was always in charge of the cooler, which evidently made her very popular. It was a tough job having an extra dingy attached and having to navigate through the rapids with the extra weight, but she did it with ease. She was also always the first one to initiate the topless tubing portion of our river journey. Callie had no trouble navigating around potential hazards (rocks, hitting bottom, eddies, young boys with binoculars). She was always in control, rarely if ever got stuck, and even with the cooler in tow was often the one to rescue Jenalee.

Looking back, Jenalee was re-active. She would let the river take her and only take action when it was too late and was overwhelmed.

Callie on the other hand never resisted. She was constantly aware of what was going on around her, and was proactive to correct her course.

After reflecting on my week, I’ve learned that I’ve been forcing my way through the rapids and getting stuck in the eddies. Instead of going with the natural flow, I’ve been swimming upstream.

I know my situation is common. We see a goal, get so excited and force our way forward. Forgetting there’s a natural flow to help us get there.

That’s the beautiful thing about surrendering. You’re not giving up. You’re just saying, it’s not supposed to be this hard. Instead of forcing things to happen I’m going to let the universe help me a little.

There`s something in coaching we call big ‘A’ Agenda and little ‘a’ agenda. Big A agenda has to do with your soul’s purpose. What you feel called to do not matter how hard, unlikely or illogical it seems. This voice still may be very quiet and hard to hear, but I promise you, it’s there.

Little ‘a’ agenda has to do with the voice in your head. This is the logical one. In fact, it rationalizes everything. It tells you that you can’t do something for a multitude of reasons. The time isn’t right, you don’t have the money, you’re not pretty/smart/educated enough. It’s filled with “should’s” and “have to’s”. This voice is designed to keep you in your comfort zone. It’s very easy to listen to and always present.

I’ve learned that when I feel overwhelmed I’m listening to my little “a” agenda far too much. I commit to things because it’s the “right” thing to do, not necessarily because I want to. Things that other people say I should do to get ahead, not ones I know are right for me.

A common question for a coach to ask is “Where do you feel that in your body?” This is a good way to immediately connect with where it’s coming from. If it’s coming from you’re gut, chances are it’s a Big A.

The other phrase I’ve heard people say is being honest with yourself. Which ironically, is the hardest person to be honest with.

This comes from recognizing what your big A is, and having the courage to admit it. Once you admit to it yourself, it’s not long before you can admit it to those around you. Then something amazing happens, you’re back going with the flow of the river. And after that, grab your floatie (and your beer) and enjoy the ride.

*Note all names have been changed to protect the parties involved

Leaving Your Comfort Zone

Comfort Zone We’ve all been there. Wake up in the morning, commute, work, commute again, dinner, tv, sleep, repeat. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with routine, we actually need it. Our brain goes on autopilot so we can accomplish more, using less mental capacity. But what if you want more?

I stumbled upon this picture a few years ago and immediately it resonated with me. It has such a beautiful way of putting things in perspective. Since that time I have referenced it when coaching staff, pushing them a little, and urging them to see the bigger picture. Obviously it had some impact because when a cake was brought out at my going away dinner, this picture was on it. I gulped, got more than a little emotional, and thought, “shit, time to walk the talk”.

Last weekend was the end of my ten year restaurant management career. Why did I stay so long? Honestly, I was afraid to leave my comfort zone. I knew the company, it’s culture, and what they expected from me. I was (sort of) working towards a big promotion. But when I was honest with myself, it wasn’t what I wanted; and my performance showed it.

There are two feelings, or clues, your body gives when it desires something more; longing and discontent.

Discontent comes when things don’t quite fit, when you’re unhappy and not quite sure why. Your body is saying there’s something more out there for you, you just need to figure out what that is. With longing, you daydream how your life could be different, yet haven’t taken any of the necessary steps in that direction. They key to both, is being aware and honest enough with yourself to admit you’re feeling this way. And that, can take some time.

It was almost two years before I could be honest (with myself) enough to admit that I didn’t want that promotion.  Even longer before I had the courage to have the conversation with my boss. With time it gets easier, and start small, baby steps.

When I first started meeting with a coach my first challenge was listening. For a whole week I did nothing but listen and get curious. In that week I learned more about my friends, family and myself than I had in the last year combined. The next week we moved on to truth. I was challenged on telling the truth with everyone in my life, including myself. All of a sudden I had to come clean with my feelings, not an easy thing to do. It also started conversations that had been put off for a long time. On the third week we moved on to openness, which again was an amazing (and scary!) experience. All the things I was afraid of being judged for (like the fact I wanted to leave my very safe salaried job and start my own business) were now out in the open. And guess what, the people I thought would be my biggest critics, actually turned out to be the biggest supporters. Through these three weeks the coolest thing started to happen. My “stuckness”, showed the first few signs of movement.

What are your thoughts around listening, truth, and openness? I challenge you to pick even one and practice it for the week. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but that’s exactly where you should be. Discomfort signals growth.

When you have longing or discontent to get out of your comfort zone, start with your thoughts, as small as they may be. Not only is this less scary, it’s amazing how the rest seems to fall into place. When we change our thoughts, feelings change, and finally, behavior changes. Baby steps. The first thing a turtle does before he moves anywhere is stick his neck out. Be like a turtle; take the (baby) step of sticking your neck out. If it’s scary you can always hide back in your shell. But I promise you, once you’ve seen how magical the world is outside your shell, you won’t want back in.

And so it begins…

It all started with a feeling of being ‘stuck’ in October 2011. My job as a restaurant manager was paying the bills but was giving me little fulfillment. I was working nights and barely saw my friends. I was three years into a relationship with a man I loved, but knew in my soul he wasn’t the one. One day I noticed my usual positive personality hit the gutter, along with my sense of humor and ability to have fun. Something had to change, but what? And how?

As anyone who has found themselves in this position can probably identify with, the question, “What do I want?” is the hardest part. We live in an age and society with so many options. For some of us, we were lucky to figure out our talents at a young age. But for most of us, myself included, we wind up in our mid twenties  having little insight into this question and even less about who we are and what our strengths are.

Thankfully, we also live in an age with many resources. I decided to do a little research and hire myself a coach to help me with this question.

I learned through my journey that the answer isn’t external, or out in the universe somewhere. Yes, there is definitely a trial and error method, try door number one, doesn’t work, on to door number two and so on. And speaking from personal experience, this method does work… eventually. But what if I told you there was a better way?

The answer to this question is always inside ourselves, which is actually kind of funny, because it’s usually the last place we look. It involves getting to know yourself at a very deep level, exposing the blind spots and challenging limiting beliefs (yup, we all have them!). It’s like peeling back the layers on an onion. Finally you expose the core (heart) and from this place we can define our purpose and create a mission statement.

My purpose and my dream is to help others live the life they were meant to live. It was only a year and a half ago I was stuck. Now I am living my life on purpose and starting my coaching and consulting business. This blog is designed to inspire and encourage those on their own journey. If I can go from being stuck to my own business in less than two years, there’s no limits to what you are capable of.